NoFear

Call me Chris

It is 3:30am Sunday morning. I am in my New York City
apartment on the Lower East Side. With my forehead buried in my
palms and a bullet wound to the left side of my hip, I can hear
police sirens outside. I look up to see a messy apartment filled
with liquor, weed, mushrooms, and coke all over the place. Oh
yeah, not to mention the four empty cans of NoFear energy drinks
in front of me and a lot more cans lying all around. These
drinks have been deemed illegal, charging anyone in possession
with a criminal offense that rivals with drug related offenses.
This is unfortunate especially since I am the one who created
this drink. If I get arrested again, my life is over. But then
again, from looking at this situation, my life is already
finished – just like these NoFear cans before my eyes.

[Seven years earlier, September 2007]

“Okay Christopher, all of your things are set up in your
dorm room.” My Uncle John says to me.

We chat outside before he departs. Now in his late 40s, he
has become a very calm and conservative person, which resembles
my personality even though I am only eighteen. I am a laid back
person, and rarely encounter stressful situations. I’m not the
type to open up to people; life seems much easier that way. “When will your roommate be arriving?” My uncle asks me.

Giving him a hopeless look as I put my both my hands in my pants
pockets, “Uncle John, I tell you this all the time – call me
Chris.”

I then turn my head to look at the students move their
belongings into the dorm with the help of their parents. Though
I delay eye contact, it is noticeable that my uncle continues to
look at me.

“Yes I know, Chris. I just wanted to hear you say that one
more time.” He says.

Finally answering his question, “My roommate should be
coming later this evening.” A couple seconds pass by, then I
turn to him reclaim eye contact, “And don’t worry, I’m only at
NYU and you live in the Bronx. I will come by to visit all the
time.”

He smiles to cover up his sadness, “I would love that. I am
very proud of you, and know your mother would be too. You
overcame a lot to get where you are today. Now study hard in
school and make the Jenson family proud.” Uncle John attempts
to part ways after saying inspirational words. My uncle isn’t
the type with a smile to cover up his sadness.

Hugging my uncle before he gets into the car, “Thank you,
for everything.”

“Bye, Chris,” my uncle says before he drives away. My Uncle
John is the one person I can be honest with. We have been
together for three years since my mother’s death, but it seems
like we have lived under the same roof for much longer. We know
how each other feels without asking and we understand it is
always important to be upfront with one another.

It has been a few hours since my uncle left. I am glad he
helped me fix up my things in here. It would have been hell if I
had to do this all by myself. I don’t know why I’m compelled to
bring so many items to such a small dorm room. Being forced to
live in such a space with someone I have never met is not ideal,
but its looks as if I will just have to get through it. Two
beds, two closets, and two dressers are the furniture came with
the room. At least there’s a window so fresh air will enter from
time to time. Well, I can’t wait for classes to start. I hope
college is as fun and interesting as a lot of people make it
seem. Maybe I will gain a little weight. I’m glad to be 5’10,
but 150lbs just isn’t cutting it right now. My roommate should
be here soon. From reading his emails, he seems like the social
type that was known by everyone in high school.

Opening the door and behaving in an excited manner, “Mom!
Dad! Here’s the room! Christopher Jenson? I’m Tim Carrols and
these are my parents!” Hmm, this is my roommate. He is a
cornball.

“Call me Chris. It’s nice to meet you all.”

“Nice to meet you too Chris!” Tim replies.

Tim’s father joins the conversation, “Where are you from?”
“The Bronx,” I respond to a standard question people choose
to ask when meeting a stranger. “What about you guys?”
“East Hampton,” Tim’s mother quickly responds with a very
proud look on her face.

Trying to look interested but really not, “Oh cool! So Tim,
you must be excited to be here in the city.”
Answering, “Yes I am. It should be a great experience.”
“You know, Chris. Back in my day I use to run about in the
streets of the Bronx. Oh yeah, I was up by Van Cortlandt Park.”
Mr. Carrols reminisces about the past.
“Wow,” I say with a smile.
“We are going to get the rest of my things. I will speak to
you soon, Chris.” Tim says as he and his parents leave the room.
“Okay,” I respond as I lay back on my bed.
I get to talk with Tim a little bit more once he gets settled in
and his parents leave the dorm. He seems easy to get along with
but I do not plan on walking with him in public just yet. He
seems very sheltered, but who isn’t these days. Maybe I should
give him a chance. Who knows, he might surprise me.

[First day of classes]

My class begins at 11am – perfect for the first day. I’ve
been up 9am; I am too anxious to be sleeping. You ever have that
feeling where you just can’t sit still and you have a weird
feeling in your stomach. Well that is exactly what I am going
through right now. I don’t know why I’m nervous; it’s only
class. I’ve been through the first day of classes all my life. I
guess college is a bit different. Maybe I should start heading
to class – would rather not be late on my first day though I am
never early for anything. I hate waiting so I always show up on
time or a couple minutes late on purpose.

“Again, correct me if I am mispronouncing your name or if
you have a preferred name. Jeremy Loxell, Eliza Jones, Tonia
Gregory, Christopher Jenson,” Professor Conwell while taking
attendance.

Interrupting her, “Call me Chris.”
“Okay, Chris” She replies.
Class has gone on for about 70 minutes so far. It’s
obvious, from looking at the syllabus, that there will be a lot
of work required to do in the class. This is an intro to
psychology class yet there are a ton of sophomores and juniors
in here. Hmm, cool. For some reason I do not feel intimidated by
anyone’s presence or intelligence. I had the same feeling when I
first met Tim and his parents. If I keep having this feeling, I
should do well in this school.

“Alright, I will let you all out a few minutes early since
it is the first day. Don’t get use to it. The homework is listed
in the syllabus.” The professor states as everyone quickly leave
the class.

“’Call me Chris’ huh. That may have been the best thing I’d
heard all class. My name is Will. You’re a freshman too, right?”
A classmate introduces himself to me we reach outside of the
classroom. He looks to be almost my height and not too far off
from weighing the same as me either.
“Yeah. Where are you from?” I ask that unbelievably popular
standard question.
“Harlem, you?”
“The Bronx,” I answer as many students rapidly walk by us
in the hallway presumably to their next class.
“Yes! Finally someone who is not from Connecticut or Long
Island!” Will rejoices.

This guy is cool. I didn’t think I would have been able to
meet someone so easily. Will and I become good friends from that
moment. Food and parties, that became our thing. Even as we meet
more people, our friendship keeps strong.

Within the first six weeks of the semester, Tim starts
hanging out with people who smoke a lot of weed. Ever since,
he’s been a pothead. I wonder what his mother would say. I do
not smoke so I don’t know what he’s feeling, but I also do not
understand why he would put himself through that. What’s
interesting is that he is brutally slim, but can definitely eat
a plethora of food.

[Knock! Knock! Knock!] “Chris, open up!” Will yells from outside
my room.

I open the door and sit back down on my bed. “What’s up Will?”
He stands a couple steps into my room and then closes while
maintaining eye contact with me. “What’s the plan for tonight?
It’s Friday and we got to go out! Danny and James are having a
party in their room. I heard mad girls are going to be there,
and there will be alcohol.” Will explains to me.

“Cool, I’m down for whatever.” I started drinking for the first
time this semester, but not a lot. Will likes to go all out with
everything that he does. I am a bit more conservative; I like to
think things through before I commit. But whatever, tonight I
will go with Will’s plan and see where that takes me.

Hours later in Danny and James’ room, Will and I are the
life of the party. We have a ton of people around us. Most of
them we’ve seen in class or at other parties. It’s apparent that
everyone feels more comfortable talking to someone they barely
know once they have alcohol in their system. When I see Danny or
James outside of the party atmosphere, I hardly say more than
two words to them. But once alcohol enters the fray, socializing
becomes easier. I rather hang out with them when I’m drinking
rather than when I’m sober. Surprisingly, an RA has not knocked
on the door yet. I am extremely drunk. I have never had this
much to drink before.

“Will, I’m leaving. I’m too drunk.” I tell my friend.

Trying to persuade me, “Come on man, stay a bit longer!”

“Yeah, where you going honey?” A girl who has been flirting with
me all night asks me.
“To my room.”
“Want me to come with you?” The girl with another question
“No,” I respond as I walk away to the section of the room where
the door is located.
“Get back safe!” Will says to me
I rush back to my dorm so I could puke. Tim is passed out on his
bed, and I go to my bed to pass out too. The room is spinning, I
feel worse than a boxer after a twelve round fight. I am a
lightweight and need to relax from heavy drinking for a while.

[During the next week]

Today I accidently arrive to my business class early, and I
notice something about a girl in the class. She teases me a lot,
sometimes writes in my book when we sit next to each other, and
always has something to say to me. I am not a pro at knowing
what girls are thinking, but I believe she likes me. Her name is
Suzanne. She’s from Brooklyn, but has some type of accent. I
have noticed it for a while now but never really cared to ask.

“Hey loser, you’re here early for once!” She says as I take the
seat next to her. I respond while digging in my knapsack for my notebook and pen.

“Yeah, I decided to eat breakfast this morning and mistimed how
long it would take to get here.”
“You went out to eat before class and couldn’t even invite me.
You suck.” Her comment causes me to fumble my next thoughts.

I’ve never been in this situation before, so generating a good
response will be difficult. I wasn’t the star athlete or a teen
rock star when I was in high school, so my experience with girls
up to this point is next to nothing. I was somewhat of a shy
kid, and only spoke a lot to the people who hung around me the
most.

“Well, I plan to eat before class again on Thursday. Maybe we
could meet up then.” At my current level of interaction with
cute girls, this is the best response I could give her.

“Fine, it’s a date Christopher.” Suzanne declares with a smile
on her face.

“Yes it is. By the way, call me Chris.”

We exchange numbers in class that day. A couple days later,
we meet up for breakfast before class. I must admit I had a
great time. Also, I finally decided to ask Suzanne about her
accent. She explained that she is from South Africa, but came to
New York when she was eight years old. She said a lot of other
stuff, but I can’t remember. Since she opened up to me I decided
to tell her a bit about myself as well. I explained that I lived
with my uncle in the Bronx before coming to college. Well, now
that I think about it that was pretty much all I said to her
about my past. I guess I didn’t tell her too much. At the end of
our date, I made a bold move to ask her to watch a movie in my
room Friday night. Tim is going home to the Hamptons for the
weekend. His parents suspect that he is smoking weed, and he
thinks his dad might have “the talk” with him about drug use.
His dad seems like the chill type, but I can bet his mother is
the total opposite.

Luckily for me, Suzanne comes over and we watch Titanic. I
chose the movie. It’s long and girls like it. After the movie we
talk for a bit then we then start making out. Her lips are nice
and soft, and I am becoming even more infatuated with her. She
spends the night and we cuddle. I explain to her that I am a
virgin. She tells me that she has experience and will not put
any pressure on me to have sex. Suzanne and I hang out the next
day as well. I feel bad because I have been ignoring Will’s text
messages and phone calls, but I have never felt this way about a
girl before. I take her to a nice restaurant on Broadway for
dinner. We are getting to know each other a lot more, which is
making me feel comfortable with her. At the end of dinner she
asks me if I want to be her boyfriend. Yes, she is the assertive
type. I told her yes and asked her to take my virginity. That
night we went back to my room and that is where the magic
happened. I was nervous and didn’t last too long.

“At least you’re not a virgin anymore.” Suzanne says to me.

“Thank you,” I reply before I kiss her on the lips.